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User blog:THELEGENDGIANTDAD/Future Presidential elections fanfic part 7: The reckoning.
Weeelcome to Presidential feud! Here's your host, Ozzy Osbourne with liquid snake's arm, or as we call him, LIQUID OSBOURNE! (Family Feud theme song plays) Today it's Sonic the hedgehog and his vice president Tails for the "Chaos Emerald" party, vs Zombie Martin Luther King Jr's Ghost and his vice president Skeletor for the "Where is our half life 3" party foooooor President! Our first game is called "Flip a coin!" (audience, all wearing David Bowie masks, chants "Flip a coin! Flip a coin!") (coin is flipped) Aaaaaaaaaand TAILS! That means SONIC IS THE WINNER! (Men in black suits and sunglasses all with the nametag "Jerry" grab Skeletor and throw him into a vat of crabs with Obama's face biologicly engineered onto each one. Zombie Martin Luther King Jr's Ghost however, is taken into a chamber where his skin is seared off his body, to use his skeleton next time in the game of "EAT THE SKELETON OF ZOMBIE MARTIN LUTHER KING JR'S GHOST IN 5 MUINITES OR LESS) (A man in a sonic the hedgehog costume starts running around the stage pumping his fists into the air) Let's spin the wheel to see how many terms you will serve! (Wheel that has hillary clinton's splayed out skin on is spun) *dingdingdingding* 25 TERMS! (The man in the Sonic costume starts running in place while pumping his fists in the air. A man in a Tails costume starts pulling on a lawnmower like cord to start his tail's motor. A baby is sacrificed in the backround by 30 child soldiers wearing the old clothes of steven colbert- god rest his soul) Now, whats your first act as president sonic? (in a high pitched voice, the man replies with:) "Uhh... NO! MORE! WOOOOMMMEEEEEENNNN!!!!" (The audience goes batshit insane. Their masks change into zombie bill cosby masks, which were used in combat training excersizes. Liquid Osbourne starts trying to calm them down. However, his arm takes over, and he turns into liquid. Laughing, he jumps into metal gear ray and storms out of the building through a large doorway, titled "Incase of Liquid Osbourne". Mr. Rogers rises out of the ground, naked, covered in prison tatoos, with a tophat covering his genitailia. He pushes down on his false eye, triggering the audience to be electrocuted to death. A janitor, revealed to be George Washington's bones in a robot suit with no personality comes in and brushes away the audience, and replacing them with small chinese children with bowl cuts, which are 50% more productive.) *Loudspeaker* Introducing your new host, Mr. Rogers of the 'Yes more Slaves' movement! (Mr. Rogers draws a pistol, and starts licking it. He puts it in his no no hat) Ok, neighbor, lets spin the wheel of congress! (A wheel with pictures of 9/11 and a dead rhino appears from behind the beached whale carcass. Mr. Rogers kisses the wheel, wimpers, and spins it. While Sonic cheers, the audience remains attentively silent and naked, but covered in sand and paint. The wheel slows down, and lands on a picture of a rhino crashing into the twin towers. The wheel reader, Donald Trump on a spider, enters and announces:) "DENIED! Your fired!" (Adolf Hitler riding on a dragon enters, and he stabs the dragon, making it breathe fire onto sonic, leaving only scraps of blue covered in semen. Tails pukes onto the Zimbabewayen ambasador, causing 2 wars. Meanwhile, Fidel Castro plants bombs on the buildings foundation.) Now that only one remains, Tails- you're the United States president! (Tails wipes vomit off his bad dragon dildo and kisses it, and tosses it into a pile of burning Qur'rans. He headbutts a monkey to near death and puts it into his tote bag.) What is your first decree? (Tails, in a squeeky voice, announces:) "No more women!" (Every chinese student in the audience claps in unison 3 times, causing Mr Rogers to have a war flashback. He draws his pistol and shoots himself, and Rob Zombie quickly throws him in the Mr Roger pit and takes his place. He then announces:) Dead I am the one, exterminating son Slipping through the trees, strangling the breeze Dead I am the sky, watching angels cry While they slowly turn, conquering the worm Dig through the ditches And burn through the witches I slam in the back of my Dragula! (Metal gear ray breaks through the building. Solid Snake gets out of his bee movie costume and pulls out his experimental nintendo 4ds. Metal gear ray can't stand the sight of the 4th dimension, and colapses. Fidel Castro gets into Rob Zombies Dragula and drives away, begging Obamas mom for forgiveness. She denies him forgiveness, and slaps him with her multi dimensional bag, filled with dildos. Fidel cries, and reaches for the detonator, but is stopped by Shia Lebouf in a Batman costume. He yells:) "DONT DOO IIT!" (The Dragula flips over, and the cycle is doomed to repeat) Category:Blog posts